I’m literally sitting here writing on my iPad thinking that I can’t possibly post anything better than what I’ve done this past week. Even said to my Twitter followers that I had no earthly idea what I was going to write about today.
I’ve had people over the years give me notebooks to journal in. I’d do it for awhile but never felt I was getting anything solid accomplished. It just felt like a garbled mess of completely jumbled up thoughts from a messed up individual going nowhere.
Last year, I enrolled in school at Devry to study web development. Did well initially, but then when it was time to learn coding, JavaScript and all that, I was like this shit is not for me at all.
In the summer, I enrolled at Full Sail to study audio production. Once again, I did well the first six months, but then came music theory and college math. After some mental health issues this past summer, I had reached the point where I didn’t even care about going to class anymore.
So, the last few months I’ve been searching for something solid that would fill the hole. I started connecting with you guys on Twitter, and when my good friend Drew reminded me that I hadn’t written anything for a few months, I got to thinking, “Yeah, maybe a new creative outlet outlet is what I need.”
I jumped on my MacBook that day. I had drafted a blog post in late October, and yet here I was searching and had to be told yet again that I was somebody and still had a lot to offer. So much had changed and that creative outlet I was so desperately looking for was right in front of me.
I continue to stay humble but feel confident about my ability to write and come up with something solid nearly everyday, and it’s helped me so much. Whether it’s writing about my undying love for music or my concern for people who struggle with mental illness, I still feel I’ve found my footing for the first time in quite awhile.
We all need a solid support system. I had that at one time, but as life started throwing me curveballs and sliders instead of fastballs, I was like a hitter that had been demoted from playing center field for the Yankees back to the minors to work on his game. I just wasn’t ready. I thought I was ready for the majors but needed some refinement and was looking for it in the wrong places more often than not.
The people that you spend the majority of your time with should build you up. Help you believe in yourself. I wasn’t doing that. I was spending time with too many people that were bringing me down because of their inability or unwillingness to find happiness.
My support system had seemed to dissipate after I focused more on what I truly wanted out of life, instead of what others thought I should. But then I started jumping on Twitter more and found like minded creative people who shared my passions and interests. It was truly the shot in the arm that I needed. As creatives, we understand each other’s struggles, as well as each other’s passions for being creative and putting our hearts into something. I’ve taken that approach to writing. I can literally just sit here and write off the top of my head and make people think.
Writing about my mental health struggles and sharing my stories with people has allowed me to purge myself of a great many things that I couldn’t let go of. Harmful people. Bad relationships. Lack of solid support.
I’m looking to be my best because I have a solid support system, finally.
Being creative again is a great feeling.
Peace and love to all.
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