It's Been a Hot Minute

Happy Saturday to all of you.

I haven't posted anything in a month because life's been really hectic and my routine is totally fucked up at the moment and I can't seem to get it together. I definitely appreciate all the support from you guys. Isa from Twitter said she noticed for about 2 weeks that I wasn't active except for the morning thread. AmberDawn has offered support, as have a lot of others when they found out that I have been suffering from seasonal depression and my anxiety has been through the roof.

It has been hard even though all of you have been supportive to admit when I'm not doing well. I still have manic spells occasionally and they're so hard to bounce back from. I had a panic attack when I was alone on Wednesday and I nearly stopped breathing for a minute. Honestly had to remember to breathe and talk myself out of it.

I know that so many of us struggle with depression or some form of mental illness. I'd like to in some way start a support group online for those of us that do, so we can talk about what we're feeling and give each other support, compassion, and understanding.

I mentioned to my mother the other night that it's been hard to adjust to being alone, since I've always had someone around for the last 10+ years. I tend to overthink a lot and it's really hard to stay out of my own head when I'm left to my own devices. Literally couldn't even enjoy music or my pets because I was so overwhelmed.

I personally encourage all of you that when you struggle it's best to talk to someone. My mother has told me for years that people can't help you if you don't speak up. I try to reach out, but sometimes it's so hard in difficult situations to talk about it. It's easier when you've got through it.

It's also difficult to enjoy things when you're feeling sad or down. You feel so overwhelmed by things that when you try to force it, it becomes even worse. So you just sit there, feeling sad with no real plan of getting yourself out of it. Then when it passes, you're down on yourself and feel nothing but guilt and shame for letting the sadness reach that point.

I encourage all of you to reach out to me in the comments or on Twitter. Let's be here to support one another in these trying times.

Much love and positive vibes going out to all of you.